Two more sleepies

Only two more sleepies til Christmas day. Missing the niece and nephews plenty this week, and the adults that belong to these four children.

Read up on Cyclothymic disorder. What a shock. But no less helpless than the mother in me felt three months ago when she went into hospital after having her first "episode".

How could my child be so haunted, and there was nothing that I could do for her, nothing I could say to make it all better.

I know the hallways of utter helplessness. I know the weight of guilt. I have felt the darkness of unanswerable questioning.

My child was in trouble. Some days still is.

I have always said that a child will never understand the pain of being a parent, until the day when their own child is in trouble, their own child cry's out in pain.

The gut wrenching, energy sapping horror of hearing the dry sobs of an inconsolable child.

This woman child of mine. I look at her sometimes and cannot fathom how she could see herself the way she does. She is so beautiful, and can be so full of life. She has a fantastic sense of humour, her laugh is a joy to hear and those eyes that sparkle.......and yet many of her days are filled with so much uncertainity, her lack of control of her emotions sends her into such despair.

I love her with every fibre of my being and yet she can drain me at times. These are the times when I jsut have no answers, I wish I knew here the magic wand was.

Where is the fairy dust that can transform this beautiful little creature into who she can be.

But back now to two more sleepies. Am more excited about their surprise presents than they are. All three of my soul splinters have a special surprise just for them, and neither girl suspects that she herself also has a little "something" just for her.

Am going home now, where Veronica is busy with her own little surprise supper for us. Am excited to see my special friend. Been a long week without her. She has been my rock this year. Listened to far too much whining and sympathised with far too many tears and tantrums in that patient way that she has, calming stormy waters like only she can. Love you Ronnie.