My missing family

Brian and Deids. The names have become a source comfort and longing. I hear the voices, I see the faces, but can no longer touch or hug .
Brian is my baby brother and so much more. When we were young, I bullied and teased him mercilessly, but woe anyone else who tried to come near him.
As the years passed the roles changed so subtly that I can't say when he became my protector. My pillar,my advocate, and at some of the really low times, my only support system.
Giving me a little sanity and a lot of strength.
No matter what was going on in my chaotic life, my baby brother has always stood firm, and I have known that no matter what....he was always there, and never judged.
When the day arrived that he chose his wife, I knew that she would be special. This boy child had grown into the most wonderful father, and a stable and loving husband, as well as being the best uncle and brother that anyone could wish for.
For all of his awkwardness around emotion, he still manages to always say the right thing, always manage to let us all know that we are loved by him.
Through the years my sister in law has become one of my best friends. Someone easy to laugh with, and share the many tears we have cried together.
The day they broke the news of the impending emigration was one of the darkest to date.
Feels like yesterday when we sat at the airport and I felt the axis of my life change.
The last weeks with Deids,Kaylyn and Keegan were so special. So many little laughs, and fond memories. The play room is just not the same anymore. Funny how we all clung to those little things that at the time seemed so normal, and now looking back, bring a smile or a tear, depending on how bad the longing is at the time.
For weeks I cried everyday. For weeks I confused Andreas with my utter hopelessness.
How can this families departure have turned my life so upside down.
How do we deal with the loss of all that we once took for granted.
When will I be able to watch a rugby game and not think of where my brother is.
When will I be able to drive passed 14th Ave or Gordon and not feel that ache that is a physical pain.
How do we deal with all the anger of being put here again.
Now we must be content in watching those beautiful children grow in photos. I can see the changes everytime I see them. How did I take all of that for granted.
I miss Brian commenting on my constantly changing hair styles. I miss his caustic remarks to everyone around him. I miss Deids laugh, I miss Kaylyns smile, and believe it or not I miss Keegs screams when the girls used to tickle him.