Time

Time has gone again. Been a rough couple of months. My daughter (the baby) went through a rough time with her decease. Then hubby got diagnosed with cancer. Skin cancer. It was very scary.
We got through and it is gone, but it took its toll on me.I landed up in hospital again. This time it was serious. This time, I got close. More than once. I re-evaluated life. I realised how very lucky I am.
How very lucky I am.
I have love. I have the love of my life. I have beautiful children. I have friends who really care.
I have more than most. I am so very fortunate. If tomorrow is the last, it doesn't matter. I know that I have touched people. Thats important. I have helped people, in some small way, in my time, I have helped people get through bad times. Thats good, I think. I think thats why we are here.

Ten Years - looking back

I see many hours of laughter
The sandbox has been replaced by giggling sessions in the bath.
I still see the softness of love in your eyes at times
I still get a rush when you smile at me
And I feel so very lucky that we found each other

There have been rough times,
And heartache that we have over come,
There have been times of anger,
And times of doubt and suspicion,
But we have got through them stronger

This journey called life
Is so much easier when we have each other
The nights are seldom dark,
The storms never lonely
Because you are right here beside me.

Thank you my love
For chosing me
For all the laughs, and tears
For taking my side, even when its been hard
And for believing in us

Here's hoping the next ten years have as many laughs
As many giggles and just as much love
As we have shared in the last ten
I have faith that we will be what I always wanted
Two little old people, still holding hands

Letter to my daughter

Thought I'd just post what I have written for her. Since the two of them were born I have sporadically written to them (in a secret book). They can have the book one day when I'm finished.

Wow, another year is gone. I watched you walk down the isle and that was the most beautiful thing I have seen, since the day you were born.
I remember clearly the first time I set eyes on you. You were the most perfect baby in the whole universe. People stopped us in the street to tell me how beautiful you were, and nothing has changed, you are still so beautiful.
A smile that lights up a room and a laugh that is contagious. Since R came into your life you and we once again become the close mother and daughter that I so hoped we would one day become again. That’s not to say we haven’t had our arguments, but it doesn’t seem so shattering now.
It took a while for me to adapt from being a mom to a little girl in need, to a mom to a responsible, loving adult, who makes me so very proud.
The change in you since R came along is magnificent. You have your confidence back, and while dad wondered for a while if you were rushing things, I knew the moment I saw you together that he was the one. I prayed you would find an A(dad) and you did. Love makes us whole, and the right love makes us better than what we would be without it.
The days of N and C are gone, and I am so glad that you chose well.
All the wedding preparations were such fun, and I am still sorry you can’t see how truly beautiful you were in your white dress. Everyone has commented how stunning you looked on your very special day.
The black dress change was also beautiful and I was so happy to see you happy.
My one wish is that you and B would get past the niggles you two seem to have every so often. I hope that in the years to come you will once again become the best friends you have always been, and girl child, remember that true friends are so very hard to come by. Nurture your relationship with your baby sister, it is gold.
Try not to focus your entire being on your wonderful husband. You must have outside friends too. Real ones. Some things guys are just no good at. Dad is my best friend, but he doesn’t always understand the emotional stuff and that’s why we have girl friends as best friends too. Don’t isolate yourself. I did that in my first marriage and with devastating consequences. I am not saying R is anything like your dad, he’s not, but when we look around and only see them, it’s just not healthy.
The first year of marriage is the honeymoon phase, a lot of push and pull will be going on. You’ll get through this easily. You both have had a hard time and the obstacles in your way will only make you stronger. The one bit of advice I can give you, is that, in time, you will both be attracted to other people, remember that this is normal, neither of you is dead, but keep true to each other, no matter how hard things may be at home.
There are plenty of ups and downs to come, and marriage is not always a honeymoon. Work at it. Give him space when he needs it, and take space when you need it. You both need to grow and with communication, will grow together. The commitment you have made should be for life, and I believe this is the one for you, so make sure you are always one hundred percent committed, having said that, don’t expect him to always fill or fulfil your every need. Men and women are too different for this to ever be possible. You have to have independence, and so does he.
Friends will come and go, take the best out of every friendship, no matter how short. Some friends stay a short while and are there just to help you through a particular patch, others are there for bad times, and others for good. But sometimes you find friends who are there for everything. Remember to be there for them as much as they are for you. Sometimes it easy to focus on ourselves too much and we become a drain. Make an effort to not do this. It took me almost 30 years to find my best friend. She is loyal and kind and everyday makes me a better person. She gives when needed and I give back. We have weathered many storms and I can’t thank God enough for blessing me with her.
You don’t believe in God. I don’t believe in forcing this on anyone, but almost every day I thank Him for giving me such wonderful children. I thank Him that you are happy, and I thank Him for the gift of A. I look around every so often and realise how very lucky we are too. We have a beautiful home, and never want for food. It could be so different, so I am very thankful. I know you have had a hard time, and this is probably why you question, but I don’t believe God ever gives us more than we can handle. I hope someday you can also believe.
As you know we have been accepted to Oz, but it seems that this move may not happen. I am going with the flow, but will not even think about the day if we decide to go and you won’t be coming with. You have your own life, and dad says we need to be sure of being “safe” in our retirement years, but I also want to see my grandchildren. No more on that. We’ll just take it as it comes.
Going to go now.
Love you always
Mom

Wedding and all

So - my beautiful, fragile, strong willed angel child is now a wife.
WOW. A year ago I would never have thought it possible. She was so angry at the world and me in particular and now - to see her calm and rational and happy.....how absolutely wonderful.
Her wedding day - which I planned for months, was warm and everything (well almost) turned out perfectly. She looked radiant (as all brides should) and he was so proud to have her on his arm.
Apart from two minor manic episodes which were wedding realted - all seems well. She stopped her meds for a month (just before the first episode) and I called the son in law to be in. I explained all about the paranoia and the anger that she experiences and how irrational she will become the longer she is off the meds. Think he was beginning to see it and convinced her that it wasn't because she was crazy that she needed them.
That is her stock answer when I ask about her meds "mom, I'm not crazy you know!".....well..................it ain't yoy who's crazy sweetheart, but your actions can be a little out of whack at times.
When she's on the meds she laughs about it, but I think it bothers her that people perceive Biopolar as crazy people. It's sad, but she just needs to deal with and prove the perception wrong.
A while ago her therapist told me that she manipulates me and that I need to take a stand. She gets so mean when she doesn't get her way, that I usually back down, but with this recent episode, I stood my ground, put the phone down on her when she got abusive, and did not reply to either sms's or emails.
Eventually R (her now husband) sms'd me too and also took a swing at me (not literally) and thats when I told them both to deal with dad.
I said that I wasn't going to argue or validate, they must come to the house and talk to him.
Silence for tow days and then an apology.
Not sure if this was because I wouldn't engage, or because they didn't want to deal with dad, but either way, it was over.
LESSON LEARNT.
So now - I wish them both a happily ever after, with prayers every night that she stays happy and that he understands that he can turn to us when the wheels fall off.
In the meantime, I just hope that the worst is over. The meds (when she takes them) work and she functions in the world.
Am so proud of her - she is such a very brave girl.

Teenagers - am I glad mine are now dogs

The following piece is "author unknown" but came to us via the American Family Association.  It will be especially meaningful to those of you who are parents of teenagers:

"I just realized that while children are dogs -- loyal and affectionate -- teenagers are cats.  It's so easy to be a dog owner.  You feed it, train it, boss it around.  It puts its head on your knees and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting.  It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it. Then around age 13 your adorable little puppy turns into a big old cat.  When you tell it to come inside it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor.  Instead of dogging your footsteps, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry -- then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen to turn up its nose up at whatever you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.  You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed.  It won't go on family outings. Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong.  Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.  Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result.  Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps the counter.  The more you go toward it wringing your hands, the more it moves away.

Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you have to learn to behave like a cat owner.  Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to you.  But remember that a cat needs your help and affection too. Sit still and it will come, seeking the warm, comfortable lap it has not entirely forgotten.  Be there to open the door for it.  One day, your grown up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day.  Let me get those dishes for you.”

"Then you will realize your cat is a dog again." 

Wedding

Wow - the wedding day is almost upon us.
Seven months of planning and anticipation and the finish line is right here.
I made the guests gifts - decoupage tooth boxes with hand made earrings for the ladies, and key rings for the guys. Then special glitter for the kids table. I have made the table map for the entrance (which will be put up on an easel) , the name tags for each person and the thank you cards. I bought all the vases for the centre pieces and will be ready to do special arrangements (pretty simple but I think its stunning).
I have bought three candles and decoupaged wedding goodies onto them, and all kinds of finicky little things that have kept me so busy and happily jiving until late some nights.
Have loved it. Even thinking of going into wedding planning. It has been such a pleasure.
Right down to going with to the dress fitting has been exciting. The fact that the girl child is not thrilled with how the dress has turned out is besides the point. On the day she will love it when everyone tells her how absolutely beautiful she is.
And to add to all of this joy, the family is coming from the UK a week before the wedding. I cannot wait to see them.
Will take photos of the goodies and post at some later stage.

rain, rain go away

Rainy , miserable, cold day. Again. What a strange introduction to winter. We don't get rain in winter...will someone please tell the weather this?!
This is Uk weather - not SA weather.
It's only Monday and I could do with a weekend.

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.

The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF %$^^&*!@.... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE...!!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.S... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

RESTROOMS

          *When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find
          a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
          Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall
          doors. Every stall is occupied
                      Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down
          the woman leaving the stall.
          You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter,
          the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
          The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by
          someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang
          your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there
          isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your
          neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the
          FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'
          *
          *In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin
          to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't
          taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so
          you hold 'The Stance.'
          *
          *To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for
          what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In
          your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey,
          if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have
          KNOWNthere was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
          *
          *You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on
          yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah,
          the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up
          trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That
          would have to do.. You crumple it in the puffiest way
          possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail .
          *
          *Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't
          work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your
          neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple
          backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you
          scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious,
          tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your
          footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the**
          TOILET SEAT** . It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing
          all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made
          contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the
          uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper -
          not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
          You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she
          knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched
          a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't
          KNOWwhat kind of diseases you could get.'
          *
          *By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the
          toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream
          of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl
          that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and
          runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow
          sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the
          empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
          *
          *At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing
          water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to
          wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then
          slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
          *
          *You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the
          automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a
          dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
          *
          *You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind
          soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of
          toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when
          you NEEDED**it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk
          it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just
          might need this.'
          *
          *As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since
          entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he
          asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging
          around your neck?'
          *
          *This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a
          **public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It
          finally explains to the men what really does take us so
          long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions
          about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the
          other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand
          you Kleenex under the door!
          *
          *This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could
          describe it so accurately!
          *

Wow

The new year is upon us.
So much to be grateful for. My beautiful child has crested the hill and is now well and happy. She moved into her own flat and has got engaged.An August wedding date is set - so much to do and I am like a child in a sweet factory.
Venue is booked, now to do all the other stuff.
To see her so calm and happy is all I ever prayed for last year.
Thank You Lord, for hearing my prayers.
We had a wonderful Christmas, house full of family and happy children's voices.
Adore my niece and nephew, who have grown up so much since the last time I saw them 18 months prior to this.
Missing Kaylyn with her pom accent and Keegan's relentless teasing.
Haven't had time to paint since before Christmas, and can't see anything new happening in the near future as we once again get bogged down with day to day living.
Joined weighless last year and managed to lose 8kg's in 3 months. Put on of these back over Christmas, but will work on getting rid of the last 3kg's in the next month or two.
Australian trip pending. Visa finally approved, so now we must go and have a look at this new land we may be relocating to.
Benjamin (our big black schitzo dog) is getting old, and now battling to get up. His back legs have been giving him problems for the last few years, but its really noticeable now. He doesn't like children, so Christmas was a bit hair raising with having to keep reminding everyone to watch the kids around him.
We got him nine years ago as a puppy come bear. He looked just like a big bear when he arrived on my doorstep.
When he finally grew into all the fur we realised that he is a really messed up mix, which accounts for the schitzo personality.
He has the colouring of a Rottweiler, the fur of a border Colly, a Ridgeback ridge up his back - so who knows what else is in there. We suspect a big of German Sheppard as well as they are know to have weak back legs.
Anyway, he is still my puppy. Though I know that we'll need to take him to the vet soon and am dreading what the verdict will be on his legs.
Think that's all the new for now.
Happy New Year to you all. May your New Year be filled with the love of family and friends and all the laughter you can squeeze into every single day.