Empty Nest

So today my baby (who is not a baby anymore) moved out again. A good thing......yes.
For her to stand on her feet and feel independent is without a doubt a good thing.
I watched her pack her boxes again. Watched the room getting cleared. Again.
She had a bad break up just more than two years ago.
In between the last time she moved out and now she has brought a baby into the world. My first grand child, My grand daughter.
Just before the first move she brought home an abandoned puppy. Bella. We took her to the Vet. She had cat flu and was only a few weeks old. We got her through. She is two and a half now and a pain. A good pain. destroys my garden. Torments my old dogs.....but cries for me. For me. Every time she see's me she cries. Its crazy.
I have photos of her as she grew from this tiny scrap, to a medium size dog and she insisted on me pulling out a chair in front of my chair, so she can stretch out, with her head in my lap. Will miss her.
Will miss holding my hands up on the way to feed the birds as she likes to suck on my fingers.
So yes, I will miss our puppy.
My daughter. We have been allies, best friends, a formidable team, and lately not quite distant, just not quite together. Far too alike for honeymoon to have lasted two years already, but it did. Nature has stepped in for both of us. She knows everything about me, and still looks at me like she wants to be like me....how is that possible. I am so proud of who she is, how she has handled all the challenges thrown her way. She keeps comparing my life to hers and saying "but mom, you did it". Well, my child, so did you. So do you. Despite all the horrid times she has endured, she is still (mostly) the sunshine child I have loved from the day she was born.
And now, she has brought another sunshine into the world. I was privileged enough to be there when she came into the world. More than that. I was there through most of the 36 hour labour.
We have had two years of this precious child to ourselves. Waking up to her grumpiness, and then smiles. Hearing her first word. Watching her first steps. Sharing her very first solid food. Enjoying her first experiences with her (and there are so many at this age).
From bubbles in the bath to kisses goodnight. So many firsts.
So yes,.......empty nest. But a double wammy. I now mourn my baby and my babys baby.

Shes gone

My sister/daughter arrived for a very short visit to us in SA. Today she flew home to the UK. Am glad we didn't do the airport thing again. I cant do the goodbyes.
Yet it feels like I missed out on the last few minutes.
How horrendous is this whole split family thing......AFRICA. My whole family was born here. My grandparents were born here, their parents were born here in most cases. Why should we be pushed out of a land that we have worked for.
We paid taxes. We followed the law, not that there is much law left here anymore.....
Locked doors, cameras everywhere, almost everyone I know has been a victim of crime in one way or another. We rely on community watches and our neighbours.
I am glad they are gone.I am glad they are safe.
But my heart aches for them. My soul longs for them.
I want to be part of their lives. The everyday crisises. The school runs, the fevers, the works issues. I wish I was there