more egypt

Egypt visit

Country over rated, but been there, done that - and have the photos.

some new ones

Inspiration found

Visits and more

Getting ready for visits from the UK. Zant, James and Oliver arrive in November for a week visit.
We (hubby and I) haven't seen the boys in a few years and I can't wait to see them again. James is a very lively, curious, confident little boy who had us all in stitches last time he was here and Ollie was but a baby, so am looking forward to trying to get a grip on his new personality.
Then in December Brian, Dieds, Keegan and Kaylyn come for Christmas.
Dieds and the kids left last year, so it will be a year and a half since I have seen them. I am so excited to see how my nephew has grown. The photos show a changed and maturing young man. I miss them all every day and am so looking forward to these visits and will cram as much as possible into every single day.
Next month we will be married 9 years. Seems short to some, but to me it seems like a life time. In a good way.
Sometimes wonder how very different my life would have been had this wonderful man not happened into my life.
So much to be grateful for.
Summer is here. The garden has turned into a paradise of greenery and bird life.
Will have to take some photos and post them soon.
Plus, I did my first abstract painting, and it was a hit. Cheryldene and Ricky have them (a pair) hanging on their wall in the lounge of their very first home.
Cheryldene (Bean) is happy, and while I miss her, I am happy that my baby is out in the world and happy. More - she is coping, and that is great. For both of us.

"Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them, And they flew..."

Another funny email

This has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive
today who won't crack up over this!
I was due for a smear with the doctor later in the week. Early one morning,
I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been
rescheduled for that morning at 9.30am. I had only just packed everyone off
to work and school, and it was already 8.45am. The trip to his office took
about 35 minutes, so I didn't have time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when
making such visits but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full
effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the facecloth that
was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to
make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the facecloth in the clothes
basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked
over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some
other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor
said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?'
I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of
the day was normal - some shopping, cleaning & cooking.
After school when my 7 year old daughter was playing, she called out from
the bathroom, 'Mummy, where's my facecloth?'
I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my
glitter saved inside it.'
NEVER going back to that doctor.....EVER!!

Fathers Day

To my dad.

Dad, I know that you look down on me, and I really hope that you are proud.

I know that I am sometimes a little too hard on people, and that you would not approve, but I hope that you can see your influence in the compassion I do show, and in the very strong sense of justice that I got from you. You always fought the wars of the under dog. I got that from you.

I wish that I could hear your views on your grand children. I know that you would have adored them. I wonder what your reaction would have been to your two grandchildren in the UK, who have developed such strong pom accents. I wish that we could both share how much we miss these two.

Dad I hope that you know how much you are still missed,even though you have been gone for 18 years. I hope you know how often I think of you and miss your sometime harsh judgement, and I hope you know how much your guidance has influenced who I am today.

Thank you for the knowledge that I was always loved, and I look forward to seeing you one day and telling you how very much you are loved.

To my husband.

Thank you for loving my girls the way that you do. Thank you for taking them on and giving them someone to look up to, someone they know is always in their corner.

We are all very aware of how very lucky we are that you came into our lives, and how rich you have made us as a family, just by being who you are, and by loving us unconditionally in the way that you do. Thank you for proving that biology does not make a father, and for choosing to be their father and my husband. Love you so very much.

Time

So busy right now. Economic crisis has hit SA and things are changing rapidly.
So much to do - so little time.
Miss my child. The house is so quiet without her giggles, and big feet.
The day she was born, the first thing I saw was the size of her feet. She has grown into them, but we still tease her about her toes. She has toes almost as long as most peoples fingers and I always mock her about it.
She takes this in her stride, which is what makes this wonderful child so special.
She cries at sad adverts and is my tissue sharing partner when watching Greys.
I miss her madly. My beautiful, compassionate funny child. I hope that she is enjoying every minute because when she comes home she's not leaving my sight for at least a month.

Cat attack

I love cats with a passion, but have twice been attacked, the first is too funny not to share.

Smokey was a Blue Point Siamese, and was not the first cat we have owned who thought he was a dog, hubby used to have great fun crawling on hands and knees stalking him. He ripped hubby to pieces, and I have heard of stories of elderly keeping this breed as watch dogs!
He disliked people, other than when he was stalking them, and we all knew to check under the bed before getting up in the morning.

One day I came home from work, with newly permed hair. Was chatting innocently to the family on the couch, when I felt a searing pain in my scalp. I jumped up and started running around trying to dislodge the cat from my head. He had dug his claws in and I had blood running down my face.
Hubby was in hysterics laughing at me.
Once we removed the cat I was really really angry. The girls by this time had also started laughing, which did not help my wounded ego.To this day he tells the story of my cat hat.
Only afterwards did we realise what had happened.
He had come out of the room and looked up at the back of the couch.
Only my head was visible, he saw the fuzz and decided that there was an interloper in the house.
He silently stalked and then attacked.
Once he realised it was me, he was stuck and I was in any case bounding around, so he couldn't let go. He followed me around for days after that , think he was trying to apologise!

Cat people

I love cats. Cannot imagine my life without cats.

I understand the dog people, I love them too, but cats are different.

You are either a cat person or not.

Me , I cannot live without their arrogance.

As I sat here tonight, missing my family in the UK, and feeling sorry for myself as we have just seen my baby off at the airport (when did she get so big to be flying off on her own....), this big fluffy beautiful face came into view.

She stood on the laptop keyboard and put her nose on mine.

She is the most arrogant cat I have ever known with a real lion heart.

We have three cats. The "baby" has grown up with our dogs, and will blatantly rub herself against Benji. This is very brave. Benji is skitso (big time), but the other two were adopted by my brother (same litter) when they were 6 weeks old, and they don't remember Benji.

Back track. The three we have now, came from a litter of four from a kitty we saved, so these three are sisters.

The green eyed monster who eye balled me a few minutes ago is named after her mom. Cleo.

She is awesome.

When my brother and Dieds emigrated we were lucky enough to get them back. Cleo did not take long to take over the house. She stares Benj down and HE BACKS OFF!

She has the most squeaky, quiet meow, but a huge temper.Wow, I respect that.

To get Benj to back off is nothing short of miraculous. A lot of humans back off from him. Me included when he is in a temper or full of nonsense.

Back to cats.

There isn't a memory I have in my life without one of these little creatures. Love you when they wanna, but woe be you if they ain't in the mood.

Having said that, I cannot remember being sick (ever) or down , without one of these little miracles right there at my feet, or in my face.

I get home at night and Butty (the other sis) is on the balcony to greet me, with loud calls of appreciation. (Butty - short for Button) She is white (like her dad) with spotted buttons down her back. A beautiful cat.

I have yet to meet an ugly cat.

They are.

That's all there is to it. They are.

And they fulfil in a way that humans sometimes cannot.

Bianca

Bianc is off to the UK. Ticket is busy processing and her excitement is boundless.
It took only a week and a a half to get the visa, so now she's off to see the family.
I phoned my brother,sister and sister in law to tell them the news and it hit me all over again how so very far away they are.
Gosh darn it, if only I could get away right now, if only we could afford two flights, if only December would hurry up already. If only Zant was also coming in December.
Miss them all so much and how wonderful to hear their voices, even if it was only for a few seconds. Will have to try the skype again.

Danger

While away we got to talking about times in our house. Two stories bear repeating here.
We used to entertain quite a bit, but this has been seriously curbed by the cost of everything.
When we moved in, we got it into our heads to invite all and sundry for a fondue in front of the fire.
This was a good plan, until we lit the fire.

So here we were, all of us sitting on pillows in the lounge around the fondue pots, with piles of food strategically placed in the middle......then slowly, very slowly , we realised that the person across from us had become very hazy. All the better for stealing someone else's fork, as by this stage it was getting increasingly difficult to make out the colour coding on the forks anyway.
But hubby was not going to admit defeat so easily.
He opened the balcony door which fueled the open fire even more and that was that.
Luckily we were all close to the floor anyway, so not too much smoke inhalation damage was done. We giggle now, but hubby was mortified.
I had recently been married, and as a joke, got a superman suit made up for hubby...no really, it was as a joke. That's my version and I'm sticking to it.
A friend of mine took it upon herself to lighten the mood and we disappeared for a few minutes while they doused the fire, when we reappeared she flung herself into the room in this suit, with a pair of socks in the area that women can't fill.......
This brought the house down. We had a few really "uptight" people there, but even they loosened up after this.

The second incident happened on Xmas day. Hubby's mom is in her mid 70's but still pretty sprightly. As the family were leaving we were all walking down the stairs in dribs and drabs, some family standing on the balcony to say their goodbyes. Hubby's mom was being escorted down the stairs by two young nieces, who decided that they would twirl grandma down the last few stairs.
I missed it, but hubby still laughs hysterically at what happened next.
In his words she turned like a top, and just kept turning .........down 3 steps, onto the driveway (which is at about a 35 degree angle) and on she twirled.
Straight into our flower bed.
To understand this , picture the driveway at the angle that drops off and gets steeper the more you go down, the flower bed lines the driveway on the other side, but the drop off there is about 65degrees straight onto the road.
By the time I got there my husband was bent double with tears streaming down his face. She had landed face first into the bed, with her feet and hands still in the air. In one hand was her handbag and her glasses were in the other.
You could only see feet from where I was standing.
Hubby's younger brother had to come down and help her out of the bushes.
Hubby was utterly useless for about half an hour and the first words out of his mouth were "do you realise that had the plants not been there we would have had to fetch you in Alberton" (this is a town 2 km away). We live on the top of a hill so he planted a really funny vision with this statement.
The next thing he asked was had she seen what she had done to the flower bed. To this day (3 years later) there is still a gap in the foliage where she plunged, and he never fails to point this out to her.
She laughs
Now.
It took her a while to get over the shock.

Pygmy's

We went away this weekend - up North into Limpopo to a lovely five star bush getaway.

It is a house in the mountains - with various size rooms that can accommodate up to 19 people.

We were 14 in total - so lots of space.

The weekend was to celebrate my brother and sister in law's birthdays. One on Saturday and the other on Sunday. The place is divine, and the temperature was perfect , (be jealous you Jhb bound people) - we walked around in shorts and t-shirts in the day, and had bonfires at night.

The reason for the blog was to share my hubby's sense of humour.

On Saturday morning he gets up and convinces me that a walk is needed.

I look at the map - hey - it looks fairly easy, no problem, so I put on my trusty tackies and off we go.

We were a mere 500 meters from the house when we see leopard prints on the dirt road.

Mmmm.

Leopards are shy aren't they, no need to worry.

Hubby just laughs and tells me not to run.

Why is this I ask myself, even if I did run he would be out running me anyway, and besides, I can see the leopard looking at us both, short dumpy one, versus tall lanky one, think I would have been doomed whether I ran or not - he's gonna have to chose the meaty one....dahhhhh!

But being the game person I am (pardon the pun), we continued.

The road is uphill.

All the way.

By the time we reach the dam (which was our destination) my little legs were cramping and I was really trying hard not to complain,

Bitterly.

He then dangles a carrot.

He saw on the map that the second dam is on our way back to "camp", and if we walk that way, we can cut across the bush to "camp"

Am now a little chirpier.

Things are looking up and the cramp is getting better.

We reach the dam about half an hour later.

My humour by this time is fast waning.

Hubby , in all his wisdom, now tells me that we can't possibly cut across as he can see marsh in between us and the road which leads to the camp.

ffffffffffffffffffffff#@$,

Surely he saw this on the map.

He can see that I am now fuming......................... and.......................................... its too late.

Moaning wife is losing the battle to stay hidden.

I am now praying that we meet the leopard to put me out of this misery, at least then I'd have a reason to run, and damned if I don't trip him up before I leg it.

We see and discuss animal feeding troughs and at one stage see a strange green box about 2meters off the ground, when I ask what this is hubby tells me it is a people house (he meant bee house - but the heat was getting to him too - though he would never admit it) I laugh and tell him that the people must be small and he goes on to tell me that Pigmy's live in the area.

Yes we can talk the utmost rubbish when we get a chance and I think delirium was setting in so ......

We cross paths as we start back and he is now walking on the side of the dirt road where I walked coming in.

All the way we have been identifying and discussing the tracks that cross the road, so at this juncture I point out the big German tracks (my hubby is of German descent) that I am seeing and tell him how annoying this species is.

He then tells me about the tracks he is seeing and he says" before me we see, a double breasted Pygmy print,", he goes on to tell me that this particular animal must have a small problem as it is a duck walking specimen, and that its natural habitat is by a large swimming pool with alcoholic beverage in hand.

I retorted that the German tracks I see are of a species that takes great delight in tormenting said double breasted Pygmy, and how bad tempered said German species is.

We both made it back safe. Seven, yes seven kilometers later I was very pleased to see a large vehicle round the corner.

In this vehicle were half of our party, and the Pygmy was even more pleased to see that alcoholic beverage was in aforementioned vehicle.

And that's the story of the Pygmy.

I sympathise with this dad

""Our daughter was filling us in on her date the night before. They had driven to a neighboring city for dinner. When her father asked her where the restaurant was located, she said, "You know, I really can“t tell you. I was enjoying the ride, the company and the scenery, and all of a sudden we were there." "I understand perfectly," her father said. "That“s exactly how your mother and I arrived at middle age!"""

New Lounge finally finished

And the door replaces what used to be an arch.

Flying

I hate flying. A post I read recently reminded me how much I love my husband.

Again. I hate flying. I am one of those people who get on a plane sweating from all pores despite being medicated to the teeth.

Despite this very real phobia, I have - gone on a helicopter ride ( at my nephews school fete) - this was a mistake I still wake up in cold sweats about. The pilot seeing my discomfort decided to have fun with me.
He put me in the co pilots seat and took great pleasure in my saucer shaped eyed. I say this because once we had taken off, he turned to me in innocence and showed me a thumbs up, when I reciprocated, he flipped the helicopter and showed me all the reasons I really hate flying. That I got out of there with my pants semi dry is beyond me. (I did make a hasty b line for the loo I must say), but hey, my dignity was intact.
There after I was co erst into a flight on the Hewie, a Vietnam helicopter (still flying - yeah really) in Cape Town. This one I actually enjoyed. We were flying low and the pilot played "The Doors " full blast, the worst that coulda happened was that I dive bombed out of the side (it was open - no doors - just like the war) and landed up the the Milnerton sand dunes).
For my 40th birthday my loving husband decided that I needed to see the East. The East is great. If you can drive. I hated the 11 hour flights.

Hanging on to my arm rests for that amount of time gave my fingers a serious work out.

I downed all the vodka they would give me. But the flights were still hair raising.
Landing in Singapore was "interesting " too. Despite that fact that we had circled for an hour and there were emergency vehicles lining the runway, my husband was his usual calm self (damn him). I on the other hand was a wreck. Hair soaked and standing on end, I am the dream travelling companion.
Luckily I had stocked up on tabs to see me through, so I was semi ok.
At each stop (there were four) I was relieved and jubilant, then a day before I knew we had to get back on that thing, I went into survival mode.
Just breathe.
And breathe
And it'll be over, just breathe.
The worst was yet to come.
In my ultimate wisdom I decided that ballooning was the thing that would impress hubby most for his birthday.
I booked the weekend.
It was a surprise.
All was good, I had mentally blocked the fact that we were to leave tera firma.
At 5 in the morning we got up and all was well (I lie I lie)
I am not a morning person and this probably saved me. If I was more awake I probably would have run screaming when I saw that balloon inflating.
We were all aboard before I was thinking clearly. When we started ascending I was finished. If you have ever seen a terrified person, that was me. I clung onto the side for dear life, refusing to look down, what was more unfortunate was that my position gave me full view of the thingie that tracked our height. How I managed to stay standing is beyond me.
Hubby and our friends kept asked me to "look here" "face here".....not gonna happen. Needless to say there are not many photos of me on this trip.
Lastly I hate flying

Another email

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every colour.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... a wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

14. If it has Tyres or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

We went to get ONE CARPET

Three carpets later and one beautiful painting.

It is now finally up in the dining room and I love it more every time I see it.

An old email that I kept that has me rolling around everytime without fail

""My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the parrot.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:

"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, youjust rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, mygenius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax"

. Y

eah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the rest of the family sharing my home with me, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the was strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my privatesand stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

I hear the slamming of a cell door. $&%#$! Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut

.

Sealed shut!

I penguin

-walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do, and think to myself:

"Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

* WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub -- the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which -

by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter -- "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. Shewants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort toscraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the neighbours' kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. ""

Next week I'll tell you about my very own experience of the above kind!

My first water colour

Haven't done any kind of drawing or painting in 10 years. Yes ten years.

I chose this as my first bash and realised that it ain't so easy and practice is absolutely necessary.

It was already claimed by Cheryldene before it was finished, so guess it isn't too bad.

The next one will be for Bianca and by then I will hopefully know what I am doing again.

Andreas wants me to start keeping a portfolio of them. Maybe should just keep a few, if the urge continues long enough to keep it up a little longer.

I lose interest in crafts very easily, so we'll just have to see.

Todays giggle

The below is just wrong on so many levels - but made me think of Rene from Not The Rockerfellers - :

I was student teaching in the first grade. We were just introducing addition. One of the boys told me that he could add and he even knew how to do "attraction." I inquired about his knowledge. He said," Oh, you know! Like you’ve got 5 kids in the hall and 2 go into the bathroom. THAT’S attraction!

Wii Fit

I got Wii Fit for mothers day.

I played so nicely , thought it may get rid of some of my frustration (nooottt), but it did give a few giggles.,

I was relieved to see that I am not the only one that this machines says "OUCH" to when asked to stand on the board.

I was quite offended when it first told me in the sinus voice "ready - please stand on me" then said "ouch".

Ok - feel better , but who on earth thought this was a cute thing to say........mmmm

It then proceeded to tell me that "balance is clearly not your cup of tea....do you find yourself falling over often?"

NO.

Not unless the wine bottle is almost empty - and even then I don't fall over - (well not since I was 18 - and that was after a whole bottle of tequilla)...

Never mind - it was just as insulting to hubby.

Before we reached this stage when we put our heights etc in, the little mini Mii w i d e n e d.

Alarmingly.

My Mii is short and square.......(really now! - who thought that this would be motivational?????).

Hubbys Mii is a little taller but also square ( so at least we are in the same boat - sigh....)

The exercises are at least fun. If you can get past the beginning "ouch".

The girls and I have become quite competitive (which is great motivation in itself), and this old lady is top of the hola hoop game (of all things)

Wonder....nah. (never mind - the mind went into the gutter there)

I have a healthy dislike of one of my in laws.

This weekend she told me that "she was not a cat person".

Grrrrrr.

Will not comment.

Think maybe I am not a human person.

Maybe need to go spend the day on the Wii fit and just go on and on and on until I can no longer stand.

Maybe will feel better then.

Photo's

I hate cameras.

I am not only unphotogenic, but I swear camera's conspire to make me look like some dimwit ,hobo or ten ton Tessa.

Who is this little guy inside every camera that just will not leave my reflection be?

My eyes are either closed,

I have three chins (where did all these chins come from?),

My nose has grown at least an inch (always inspecting to see if they have added the mole to complete the insult)

I often look squint and the worst of all , is that I am so much more woman in all photos.

And I do mean MORE WOMAN.

So - I decided that my youngest was going to do a few photos and I would delete and delete until there were a few that I was happy with.

Over two days I managed to get a few so herewith - the few.