Woke up at 2 this morning, thinking of the "igit" at work, of the extended time its going to be before we can leave SA. Wondering how we are going to get through this Xmas without my family.
Worrying about Cheryldene, and praying that we can get through this patch with her unscathed. Love her so much but can't seem to show it right now. Wish I knew what to say, wish I knew what it is she needs from me.
Feeling guilty for the anger that I feel and vent at Andreas. Know that it is because I feel safest with him. Regret the hurt I saw in his eyes yesterday when I lashed out again.
And on top of all of this , really can't wait for the irritability to finally pass.
Do not recognise myself right now. Am completely intolerant of everyone.
One day short of 4 weeks smoke free. Web says at one month the irritability should pass.
Man do I hope that is true. Andreas voiced what I was thinking yesterday. Maybe time to go back onto happy pills.
Just too many sad things in my head overwhelming me right now.
Surprise myself too often by finding tears in my eyes, and pain in my soul.
The presents have gone under the tree. Plan to go and buy a tree for grandparents today. Theirs broke last year, and no matter how old you are, I don't believe a house is a home with a Xmas tree at Xmas, even if there are no children.
Tomorrow when I feel better I'll post pictures of all Andreas hard work on our house.
We now stand out , and the house can be seen from Klipriver. Blazing , bright, flashing Christmas lights, that somehow failed to make me happy yesterday.
1 comment:
So, cookie, where are the photo's of the house? We really want to see it and show the folk here downunder!
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