More Prince Stuff

Sorry. Just have to do this, because he makes me happy, and he makes me afraid.
He is so very sick right now, and the thought of actually losing him has crossed my mind , fleetingly, again. Woke up at 2 in the morning with words swirling , and this will be the result of those swirls.
When I try to conjure up a memory - the first one that always pops into my head, is of a crisp winter morning. We met alongside mini town, over looking Wemmer pan. The fog was rolling in and as we chatted he casually took off his beige jacket and wrapped it around me.
I will never forget that gesture. It symbolised a promise then that he has never broken. With that jacket he offered protection, safety, and to put me first.
He has never failed to fulfil that promise. The girls and I are his number one priority.
We have had our ups and downs, and being so very different, the ride has been pretty steep at times, but even through the really low times, I have always known that he has my back.
He is my strongest supporter, and my most loyal champion, and still, after all these years, my very best friend. And that can be very trying I know.
He may not get me at all times, but these times are getting fewer as the years pass by, and though I sometimes don't get him, or am always happy with his way of doing things, I never doubt his commitment.
Within the first year we were married, we have been able to pass pain to each other - not intentionally - but it happens none the less. I know not everyone who reads this will believe it, but he often "shares" my headaches, and I know I have shared his asthma (even if it was just for a while). It has happened too often for either of us to doubt, so I know its a little more than the sympathy sharing that happens with us.
We don't have childhood memories, or decades of history, but sometimes I see the boy he was.
These times are when he is with his brothers. I often wonder why they spend so little time together, because they clearly have a good bond. They tease and prank, and giggle like the young boys they were. I see the glint in his and Wulfs eyes. Ticky is a little more difficult to gauge, but its clear he is part of this trio of brotherhood.
I have sometimes seen this when he was with Brian. When they had had too much to drink, or they were watching rugby. I have also seen it with Eddie occasionally, usually also when they are teasing the "girls" and the two of them pretend to gang up on us.
This husband I am so lucky to have is so very complex. He makes friends very seldom.
People flock to him, but he gives very little of himself. Most people do not know who he is.
The person they see is funny, and sympathetic, or distant and aloof. But he is both and he is neither.
To me , he is everything. To me , he is the first person who has really seen me. He is the first person who knows me, darkness and all, and is still here.
He stood by me in the first year, when I tried so hard to push him away. He has stayed with me even through some of our worst doubts and our most vicious fights.
I have seen hurt in his eyes a few times in our marriage, and he has hurt me, but I think that these hurts have made us so much stronger.
I have witnessed his pain in the last few weeks, but been too wrapped up in mine to really offer any comfort. But now is the time. We have a few weeks, and I will now focus on trying to get the haunted look off both our faces. To show him just how much he means to me, and how much I really appreciate all of his love.
I know how lucky I am , and I plan on making sure that this is forever. I never want to be without him, because without him I am not whole.